Building Confidence & Self Esteem
Self esteem comes from comparing your expectations of yourself with what you actually accomplish. It is constantly changing based on what we do every day. It is always measured on a sliding scale from low to high. However it is just an attitude, a way of looking at the world. As such it can be learnt.
Successful people always manage to generate high self esteem. They nearly always demonstrate a good ability to learn from past failures and recall their successes. They learn to accurately judge their own work and are obsessive goal setters. They have high expectations of the future that are based on their ability to control their environment and themselves. You can learn a lot from this attitude.
Improving and decreasing self-esteem
The biggest boost to your self esteem happens when you perform well in a new or unfamiliar situation. High self esteem is very empowering.
The greatest damage to your self esteem comes from performing badly at something that should have been easy.
Improving Self Esteem & Confidence
Very few of us deserve low self esteem. However, our minds can play tricks on us.
Chronic low self esteem usually comes from one of the following fundamental problems:
- 1 Not learning from past mistakes so they are repeated even when the situation is familiar. They give rise to that ‘I should have known better’ feeling that is very common in poor relationship choices.You need to identify any areas of your life that seem to always give you trouble. The chance is that you are missing something. Write down the sequence of events that lead to each problem situation and look for a common cause. It may seem an obvious and perhaps pointless thing to do, but it focuses your mind and lays the problem out in front of you. I’ve used this technique in therapy sessions and it has worked startlingly well. You will be surprised how something so obvious can be so effective.
- 2 Remembering and focusing on the failures of the past rather than the successes. Most recent events have the most impact. As events receed into the past, their effect should diminish. I say ‘should’ because some people keep past events fresh by replaying them over and over in their mind. All very well if they are past triumphs, but a bad idea if they were disasters that left you with low self esteem at the time.You have to learn to focus on your successes, however small. Break your day down into a series of small goals that you can tick of as you go. You will build a strong personal record of accomlished tasks that you can periodically look back on for a better balanced view of success and failure in your life. See the Goal Setting Workshop for help on this.
- 3 Unrealistic expectations of certain situations.Don’t rely on anything that is out of your control. Not chance, not luck, not magic. You are responsible for your successes so make sure that your expectations are totally reliant on you and that you can attain them. See the pages on SMART and well formed goals for help on this.
- 4 Poor ability to be self critical and to judge whether your performance is good or bad. This is essential for skill building.This really only comes from practice, but you can make sure that you do learn from what you’ve done in the past. You should review your own performance whenever you complete a major task. You should concentrate on the things that you found difficult or required you to learn. Looking back over your work helps you to gauge your performance. We all learn to be critical even if it’s having a view about what makes a good film or television program It is applying the same process to ourselves that is important.Another important aid is to compare what have done with other people’s efforts, especially people who are experts in their field. Line your self up against the best and be critical. You can only measure the value of something if you have suitable scale to measure it against. Constant comparison and improvement will pay off.
Improving self esteem is one of the areas in which hypnosis is very effective. It is ll about learning what to focus your mind upon, what details you have to notice to improve your performance cuin life. All of these unconscious processes can be learnt through repetition. Just do them over and over until you become totally competent. Hypnosis is simply a short t.